Max Disposti and North County LGBT Coalition Youth Coordinator Carolyn Bolton set up for the coalition's recent beach barbeque.

Northern Exposure
By Max Disposti

If 30 years ago someone had told me that one of my future heroes would be a federal judge, I would have implored that person to end my misery right then and there and spare me the boring life that surely laid ahead. Fortunately, things have turned out differently.

This month’s celebrations are still echoing in my head, along with all the possibilities Judge Walker’s historic decision may entail. Am I still dreaming or is this—at best— just another five-month window of opportunity for marriage that the California Supreme Court once gave us and then took away?

A few hours after the decision, a reporter from the North County Times called to inquire how the North County LGBT community felt about the overturning of Prop 8. I was stunned, and I could not find the right words to describe the joy I felt about a victory we’ve all waited so long for. “We regained our dignity,” I said, “and with that our trust in a judicial system that has finally recognized the existence of our families.”

Aside from the important legal significance of this deliberation, the political battles around it or the alliances created within the marriage equality movement, at the end of the day it all came down to humanizing our love, restoring dignity and regaining self-determination and self-respect.

In places like North County, Judge Walker’s decision is even more empowering: it reaches the households of Ramona where our LGBT youth have no place to go to feel safe. It echoes in the corridors of an Escondido charter school where just a year ago the principal was threatening to “out” a couple of middle school teens to their parents. It encourages the students who belong to gay-straight alliances at schools in Vista and Oceanside, where being gay is still a struggle. The news of marriage equality makes its way to Camp Pendleton, where it will hopefully ease harassment and discrimination of gay and lesbian troops.

Those of you who have worked on the “No on 8” campaign may already know about the extensive amount of time and energy the North County LGBT and allied community contributed to the fight against Prop. 8. We were home to the largest hub for phone banking in Southern California, thanks to Pilgrim United Church of Christ in Carlsbad and Chalice Unitarian Universalist congregation in Escondido!

Many successful events have been held since then, such as the North County LGBT Coalition’s July 30 barbecue social on the beach in Oceanside, attended by more than 50 LGBT people. On that occasion we received a surprise visit from 49th Congressional District candidate Howard Katz, a Democrat running against Republican incumbent Darrell Issa. We always welcome politicians willing to show their faces at our events in support of our LGBT community.

There are many heroes here in North County who make victories both large and small possible with their positive activism. Self-proclaimed “lesbian soccer mom” Jennifer Schumaker led and organized peaceful, inclusive and powerful demonstrations in Escondido that still linger in the memories of many. Cal State San Marcos’ LGBTQ Pride Center lent its creative ideas while educating students on discrimination and prejudice, and Palomar College’s LGBTQ Alliance set an example by taking a stand against hate crimes and intimidation on its campus.

I also must thank that mother who told me during a Prop. 8 march in Oceanside how bigotry and ignorance took her son’s life, and asked me to always remember his struggle.

Finally, I thank my fellow North County LGBT Coalition board members for dedicating their time and resources to helping others—showing that soon and together we will make the dream of a North County LGBT Center a reality for all to enjoy.

Give your activism a chance, and great things will happen, including the right to legally marry the person you love.

— Max Disposti is the founder and president of the North County LGBT Coalition, a human rights activist and a real estate broker. He resides in Oceanside with Robert, his husband of 10 years. He also serves on Oceanside’s Community Relation Commission. He can be reached at maxrome@cox.net or through the coalition website at www.northcountycoalition.org/