Babycakes Balboa Park employee Jay Stanley works at the new location. (Photo by Daniel Solomon)

By Margie M. Palmer | GSD Reporter

If you were asked to count the number of people who have never partaken in the decadent delights of Babycakes Hillcrest, you would likely be stumped. Since Babycakes first opened the 3766 Fifth Ave. location in 2009, owners Christopher Stavros and Rafael Del Rio have taken the community by storm.

The café, bar and cupcakery has become so popular, in fact, the duo was approached about launching a second location in North Park. Currently open from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., Babycakes Balboa Park is located adjacent to the Balboa Tennis Club tennis courts at 2221 Morley Field Dr.

Stavros said the decision to expand to North Park came after receiving a call from the Balboa Tennis Club, adding there have been several restaurants located next to the club in the past. “The Tennis Club came to us a couple months ago to say they were interviewing other companies to move into the space and they wound up choosing us,” he said.

Colleen Clery Ferrel, the Balboa Park Tennis Club director, said they approached Stavros and Del Rio because of their company’s established name in the community. “We interviewed six different companies but [Stavros and Del Rio] really stood out,” Ferrel said. “We’re very confident they’ll do well and we’re excited about this opportunity.”

Stavros said it was not until he got the chance to walk through the property that he saw its potential. “I saw the vision and it made sense,” he said of their decision.

Babycakes Balboa Park is currently open daily, but Stavros said there are many changes taking place over the next several months, including plans for a grand opening event.

“We’re taking baby steps,” Stavros said. “The concept for Babycakes Balboa Park will be a California casual café, with mostly outdoor seating. This will be more of a breakfast and lunch, Panini’s, soups, salads and comfort food place for now.”

Stavros said the restaurant will eventually expand to offer brunch and dinner. “Our hours will be modified once that happens,” he said.

The Balboa Park location will be more focused on entrees as opposed to dessert and cocktails. Church on Sundays at Babycakes Hillcrest has become a popular destination for residents, where cocktails and food are served to a crowded bar starting at 3 p.m. The weekly event began May 2011.

However, for Babycakes Balboa Park, cocktails are not currently offered and a limited selection of cupcakes will be available for purchase.

“In Hillcrest we offer about 25 different cupcakes on any given day but we’ll probably offer six of our most popular ones at Balboa Park,” Stavros said, adding the expansive parking near the new location allows for more convenient access for patrons wishing to pick up a box of cupcakes to-go.

District Three Councilmember Todd Gloria, whose district includes North Park, said he is excited about the expansion.

“When established businesses open new locations, they demonstrate the strength of our local economy and the pull of District Three’s unique neighborhoods,” Gloria said. “Opening a new location will mean more jobs and continued vibrancy of North Park’s business core.”

Stavros said he and Del Rio are excited about the new concept and look forward to having an official grand opening in late May or early June.

District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis (Courtesy office of Bonnie Dumanis)

By Anthony King | GSD Editor

San Diego District Attorney and 2012 mayoral candidate Bonnie Dumanis said she thinks being the sole female candidate running for mayor gives her an edge heading into the June 5 primary election. “I think it’s really an advantage because I think our approaches [as women] often are different,” she said.

Several female leaders, business owners and professionals recently showed their support of Dumanis in her bid for mayor, including former U.S. Congressmember Lynn Schenk, San Diego County Supervisors Pam Slater-Price and Dianne Jacob, and former Assemblymember Charlene Zettel, among others.

“As a woman, by nature I am collaborative, I bring people together [and] I can multi-task,” Dumanis said. “I think we deescalate things more.” The district attorney said functioning as mayor did not always rely on gender, and that for her, it is about representation, too.

Representing women – and openly gay women – professionally began at Dumanis’s first job as a junior clerk typist in the San Diego County district attorney’s office. “I was working in the office [when I] passed the bar, but I had to work during the day volunteering as a lawyer and then doing my regular job at night before I got hired as a lawyer,” she said.

Dumanis said she is aware the last elected female mayor, Susan Golding, served over 10 years ago, and said San Diego has not seen a woman “in the mayor’s seat” in a long time. At first, Dumanis said people questioned whether she was tough enough, as a woman, to be district attorney. However, she said she does not get that kind of stereotyping any longer.

Dumanis said when she was initially elected district attorney, she was the first woman “at the table with all the chiefs,” and there were fears associated with her being openly gay. “I’m in an area that’s traditionally male, so I’ve broken a lot of glass ceilings and I’ve overcome… a lot of prejudice as well.”

At the March 28 LGBT-District Three mayoral forum held at the LGBT Center, Dumanis said it was harder coming out to her parents as a Republican than it was coming out as a lesbian. Both her parents, Dumanis said, were active in Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and her father would often get frustrated with anti-gay rhetoric in campaigns.

Dumanis and her wife have been together for 15 years, and the district attorney said the pair have “been through a lot of this together.” Married three years ago, Dumanis said her wife has always been supportive of her campaigning.

“She misses me a lot, and I miss her a lot too,” Dumanis said of the time away from her wife for the mayoral campaign. “She was with me when I ran for Superior Court.”

Dumanis received her law degree at the Thomas Jefferson School of Law in 1976, and served 12 years as deputy district attorney. In 1994, after working as San Diego Superior Court referee, Dumanis was elected judge of the municipal court and served there until elected as San Diego Superior Court judge in 1998. She was elected to her current position as district attorney in 2003.

Endorsed by the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund, a national organization aimed at increasing the number of openly LGBT officials elected to office regardless of political party, Dumanis said one of highlights in her career was overseeing adoptions for gay couples. “Those were, of course, always fun. I made it a very big deal,” she said. “It was nice for them to know that I appreciated the struggles that one had to go through to get to the point where they could adopt a child together, especially two men.”

Highlighting her many priorities, Dumanis focuses her mayoral campaign on initiatives she said she would implement if elected mayor. “Number one, we’ve got to get our fiscal house in order,” she said. “Number two, we’ve got to reorganize the city, streamline the process and make it business friendly. When we do that, we will bring jobs here… particularly small business because that’s who employs most of the people in San Diego,” she said.

“We have to have a mindset [and] a change of culture that makes it easy for people that are starting a business to start it, and [for] people that have a business to maintain it or expand it,” Dumanis said. She also said the region was full of “entrepreneurial spirit” and was a hub for technology and science, but lacked available finances to support the industry.

“Venture capital is not as readily available in San Diego,” she said, “so as mayor I’m going to have to go out and talk to venture capitalists to [tell them] why they should invest in San Diego and stay in San Diego.”

Also of concern for the district attorney is making city offices more culturally and ethnically diverse, and Dumanis said the relationship between San Diego and Tijuana is critical in making this happen. “Diversity has always been something that’s been a part of me and about everything I have done,” she said.

“One of the critical components is having a U.S.-Mexico commerce special assistant; somebody that is trained in Mexican law and [is] bilingual to work on those issues because we are all one region,” she said. These issues, Dumanis said, include making importing and exporting easier both for professionals and private citizens. “It’s good for commerce, but we are so much a part of each other’s fabric that we need to work together,” she said.

“We have to make sure that government reflects the people that we serve,” Dumanis said, adding, “It has to be reflected in the city government but it also has to be reflected in the attitude of the leader of this city. That is a critical component, and it’s part of the richness of San Diego.”

Liam Dillon (Courtesy Voice of San Diego)

By Anthony King | GSD Editor

Hosted by the San Diego Democrats for Equality, proponents and opponents of the controversial Comprehensive Pension Reform initiative Proposition B faced off at the Joyce Beers Community Center on April 26. Voice of San Diego’s Liam Dillon moderated the forum, which saw San Diego County Taxpayers Association CEO Lani Lutar speak for the proposition and District Three City Councilmember Todd Gloria speak against it.

The discussion lasted more than an hour and began with Dillon’s historical summary of pension reform in San Diego, which initially lead to pension system underfunding and the appearance of Proposition B. “What [city leaders] decided to do to get the money [for services] was to basically take it from the pension system,” Dillon said, “but to do that… they promised greater benefits in the future.”

Initiating the discussion of Proposition B, Dillon said there are two key points in the ballot measure: moving all new city employees into a 401(k) system instead of defined benefit pensions and implementing a pay freeze for city employees.

“What this does is it attempts to freeze pensionable pay for city employees for the next five years,” Dillon said. “If you pay people less when they’re working, then you pay them less when they retire.”

Lutar used part of her opening statement to point out the pay freeze stipulation does not apply to bonuses rewarded to City employees, which are not included in pensionable salary. “This measure will not do anything to prevent the City from awarding bonuses during that five year period. It just hold the line steady on how the pension calculations will occur during that five year period,” she said.

Pay freezes dominated the discussion, with both Dillon and Gloria saying this aspect of the proposition was not guaranteed. “What California law says is that voters cannot mandate City worker wages at the ballot box,” Dillon said.

“The savings [from Proposition B] come from the salary freeze, and the salary freeze is going to be litigated,” Gloria said. “It has no guarantee… [and] it depends entirely on City Council agreeing to it.”

Lutar responded, saying, “There’s absolutely nothing in the initiative that would stop any Councilmember from supporting bonuses. It’s very clear in the measure. All is does is change the way that the pension is calculated….”

Gloria reiterated how any savings from Proposition B rely solely on pay freezes, saying, “We’ve done five years of no pay increases. This initiative says five more years with no pay increases, for 10 years of no pay increases.” Gloria then called 10 years of no pay increases for city employees unacceptable.

“If the City employees don’t like it, they can go, and if enough of them go, we can contract out the work to some corporation,” Gloria said. “That’s the overall intent, and that’s why you should reject this thing.”

The Councilmember used some of his time to explain what he felt was the over-arching motivation behind Proposition B, at several points calling the measure “ideological” and questioning why proponents want it passed.

“You have to understand the context in which this is occurring,” Gloria said, adding that the Council has reformed city finances in the past few years to have a balanced budget and “fully funded reserves” for the City. Gloria also said the City continually pays the current pension bill on time.

“If our City is no longer in fiscal crisis,” Gloria said, “then you say, ‘Well, what does Prop B do?’ It doesn’t do a thing to address pension debt…. We will continue to have that debt and we will continue to have to pay it off.”

Gloria then said passing the initiative would make city employees’ lives “absolutely miserable” and would “undermine our relationship” with them. “It’s ideological in nature,” he said.

Lutar said the proposition would save money over the next thirty years through retirement reform and ending pension spiking, among others, and that money saved could then be used for “core government services” like road repairs and keeping libraries open.

“It’s not addressing the pension crisis through one solution. It’s comprehensive and we believe it’s what the City needs to get us on the right fiscal track so that, most importantly, we can restore the services that have been so severely downgraded over the years,” she said.

A second issue discussed at the meeting involved Social Security for City employees, a point that was heavy argued. Currently, City employees are not enrolled in Social Security, opting instead to rely on the City’s pension system. “City employees voted to get out of Social Security,” Lutar said, “and there’s nothing in this measure that prevents City employees from going back into Social Security if that’s what they choose to do.”

While Lutar insisted it was “up to the City employee to decide” to re-enter the Social Security system, both Gloria and San Diego & Imperial Counties Labor Council CEO Lorena Gonzalez, who attended the meeting and spoke up during Lutar’s comments, said they disagreed.

In a separate interview after the meeting, Gonzalez said the Proposition does not give workers the opportunity to opt into Social Security, calling Lutar’s statements “absolutely false.”

“It’s not as if… suddenly new hires are going to have Social Security if they want it,” Gonzalez said. “That still has to be bargained for, and with this City, I guarantee that’s not what they’re going to come out with at the bargaining table…. They could bargain for it, but that doesn’t mean they will get it.”

The meeting ended with the Democrats for Equality voting to not endorse Proposition B. The measure will appear on the June 5 ballot.

Jim Thompkins-MacLaine (Courtesy In aChord)

By Anthony King | GSD Editor

In aChord, a local men’s ensemble chorus, is a small, non-profit arts organization celebrating the positive image of the LGBT community through intimate concerts. The choral group celebrates their 10th anniversary with a spring concert on May 18 at the University Christian Church, 3900 Cleveland Ave. in Hillcrest.

Jim Thompkins-MacLaine, who became the group’s artistic director January 2010, said the group’s 10-year reputation as a “solid choral group” is a tremendous accomplishment. “For a group this small to sustain itself for that long is no easy feat,” he said.

“When I came into the group, I heard a great potential for a really tight choral sound,” Thompkins-MacLaine said. “I brought in new arrangements, and eventually a new sound began to emerge.” Currently, In aChord performs original arrangements by Thompkins-MacLaine.

For Mark Madero, a four-year chorus member, the song’s original arrangements will bring “a few surprises” to the May 18 show, he said.

“I am excited about every song that we are going to be performing since they are all from different eras, but I am especially excited that they all have been arranged and orchestrated just for us,” Madero said.

For the 10th anniversary concert, Thompkins-MacLaine said the group would be performing songs from several different genres, including Jazz, Pop and Show tunes, all accompanied by a 40-piece orchestra. “We have some beautiful ballads and some Jazz and Rock classics,” he said, adding that each of the 12 chorus members will have a solo in the show. Madero said there would be songs from the 1940s and 1950s through to the 1990s.

Madero also said he was excited about the orchestra performing with the group, calling it a privilege. Adding that he also considers singing in the chorus a privilege, he said, “I just want people to remember that we are still here, we are still queer and we are still singing.”

Thompkins-MacLaine said the group continually looks for “fresh faces,” and they hold auditions throughout the year. For more information, including tickets for the May 18 concert at 7 p.m., visit inachord.org or call 619-795-6577.

By Anthony King | GSD Editor

A University of San Diego (USD) alumnus launched a second anti-gay e-mail campaign on Sunday, April 29, in response to the recent drag competition at the University. USD graduate Chuck LiMandri sent the e-mail, calling on USD alumni to hold the University’s administration and faculty “accountable for their actions” regarding the April 11 competition.

Members of PRIDE, USD’s LGBT-inclusive organization, sponsored a series of educational events in April addressing gender identity and gender expression, including the drag show and competition, hosted by local drag performer Tootie Nefertootie.

“USD has continually made a commitment to respect the [USD] community, both students and staff,” said Nicholas Severson, a former PRIDE president and former vice president of student government. “From what current students, staff and alumni said, [the April 11] event was a huge success…. The event went on in peace and I have no doubt that the USD community learned a tremendous amount about the LGBTQ community.”

The April 29 e-mail included a letter from LiMandri, who graduated from USD in 1977. LiMandri sent an original e-mail asking alumni to contact USD President Mary Lyons in objection to the event. LiMandri is also responsible for the website Alumni for a Catholic USD, which he launched prior to the drag event.

Lyons supported the event, and Severson said it sold out “well before” the April 11 date. “Though a minority of students did have a prayer-in, opposing the event, a significant amount of students rallied in support,” Severson said.

“A member of our community called into question our Catholicity because of [USD’s] support of the drag show. Significantly more alumni and current students proved that it is our mission and our calling to support all students, particularly those who are the least represented,” Severson said, adding, “The USD administration, again in support of many alumni, have affirmed the need for a drag show and the work of all diversity initiates at the University.”

In the April 29 letter, LiMandri said he removed his son from USD and called on other alumni to “no longer support the University until it promises to return to its founding principles as a Catholic institution of higher learning.” The letter then outlined five proposals for USD administration to follow in order to regain support.

The proposals included not allowing drag performances or “gay dances” on USD campus; not providing “genderless” facilities on campus, including bathrooms, locker rooms or dorm rooms; and not allowing students to intern or receive course credit for working at “any organization that supports abortion or ‘same-sex marriage.’”

Additionally, the letter’s proposals stated: “At any USD event where there are speakers on the issues of abortion or ‘same-sex marriage,’ USD will ensure that the authentic Catholic position is presented by someone who actually believes it,” and “USD Theology professors will be required to… [pledge] fidelity to the… Catholic Church in their instruction.”

Severson responded, saying, “While I appreciate and respect all of my fellow alumni’s opinions, I am concerned with the five proposals. Not only would such actions violate [State] laws, it would be a huge step backwards. I have no doubt that the University will continue to affirm the dignity of all its community.”

In response to LiMandri’s website, a counter-campaign was launched by USD alumni in support of the April 11 event. Called A USD for Everyone, the web-based campaign encouraged alumni to e-mail and call Lyons and thank the administration for their support.

Co-signers for A USD for Everyone included the current president of the USD Young Alumni Network and District Three Councilmember Todd Gloria, among other alumni. Gloria graduated from USD in 2000.

“The USD community is great about rallying support around causes that mean the most to them,” Severson said. “Whether [it] is about bringing awareness to issues of poverty, immigration or the inclusion of all students, they continue to prove that the dignity of the individual is the most important value. This issue is no different.”

After one day of proceedings in the Equality Nine trial in San Diego County Superior Court, Judge Joan Weber adjourned proceedings until further notice due to the prosecution’s improper dismissal of all openly gay potential jurors from the jury panel. The prosecution team, headed by Dan Rawlins, maintained the case was not about discrimination against LGBT individuals. Judge Weber said Rawlins introduced bias by dismissing all jurors perceived to be a part of the LGBT community during jury selection on Monday, April 30.

The Equality Nine are activists that were arrested at the County Clerk’s office on August 19, 2010, the day the anti-marriage equality amendment, Proposition 8, was rendered unconstitutional by Justice Vaughn Walker. The Nine were among many couples seeking marriage licenses from the County Clerk and were denied access to the Clerk’s office by County Sheriffs.

“Not only were the rights of these people trampled when the County Sheriffs interrupted their legal protest, they were harassed when the City charged them with over-exaggerated crimes [and] then again during trial when their civil rights were violated by the prosecution when they were not allowed a fair jury,” said Rachel Scoma, co-executive director of the San Diego advocacy organization Canvass for a Cause, in a press release.

The Equality Nine are being charged with two misdemeanors each: failure to disperse and interference with the business of a public agency. “It’s shocking, at a time of such budget cuts, that the City Attorney Jan Goldsmith is continuing to press these charges,” said Ann Menasche, a member of San Diego Alliance for Marriage Equality (SAME), in a press release. “It’s too costly to play these ego games on the City’s dime. Furthermore, its important that people maintain the freedom to protest peacefully in order to preserve our democracy,” she said.

The upcoming SAME meeting will discuss the next steps on Tuesday, May 8 at 6:30 p.m. at the San Diego LGBT Pride offices, located at 3620 30th St. in North Park.

PRIDE FLAG PROJECT MOVES TO CITY COUNCIL

The Monument Flag Project, spearheaded by the Hillcrest Business Association (HBA) did not receive a positive recommendation from the City Planning Commission at their April 26 meeting. The 4 – 2 vote to not recommend the installation of a 65-foot flagpole to permanently fly a rainbow flag was enough to move the project along to City Council. The Council will hear discussion on the project, note the Planning Commission’s vote and make a final decision at their regularly scheduled May 15 meeting. “We have had a thorough and thoughtful discussion in the community and that discussion has continued at the Planning Commission,” said HBA Executive Director Benjamin Nicholls. “They have now rendered their opinion. We look forward to continuing the discussion at the City Council meeting in May. This project is clearly something that the community wants and we’re excited that the project is moving forward.” In the case of the Monument Flag Project, the Planning Commission is a recommendation-only body, with final approval for the project resting on the City Council. Lisa Weir, HBA marketing and communications director, said, “We’re optimistic that Council understand the importance of supporting such a symbolic monument: a flag that stands for universal acceptance, tolerance and inclusion.” Original plans for the project called for construction to begin in June and completed in time for the LGBT Pride Festival in July.

GSDBA OPPOSES PROP B INITIATIVE

The Greater San Diego Business Association (GSDBA) announced on April 26 their opposition to Proposition B, the Comprehensive Pension Reform ballot initiative. “While it is clear that the City’s finances, including the pension plan, need a comprehensive overhaul, review of this initiative finds it would only compound the problem,” stated the GSDBA press release. Proposition B is set for the June 5 ballot. “The potential harm from Proposition B is too great for us to remain on the sidelines,” said Tom Luhnow, CEO of the GSDBA, in the press release. “Our responsibility is serving our more than 850 member businesses, and there is no question after reviewing Proposition B that it is bad for the small businesses we represent and bad for San Diego.” In the announcement, the GSDBA called on all their members, as well as all San Diego voters, to vote no on the proposition, citing potential legal issues should the proposition pass, including a “pending legal challenge by the Public Employee Board, equal protection concerns arising from special exemption for police officers and… whether the measure is constrained to a singe issue as constitutionally required.”

PRIDE ANNOUNCES LATINO ENTERTAINMENT

At the Brass Rail nightclub in Hillcrest, San Diego LGBT Pride, organizers of the annual Pride festival and parade, announced additional performers in the lineup for this upcoming festival. The organization previously announced Natasha Bedingfield and Kelly Rowland as headliners for this year’s festival, taking place July 20 – 22 in Balboa Park and Hillcrest. On Saturday, April 28, LGBT Pride announced the Latino entertainment lineup, which will include Frankie Negron and urban Bachata duo Groupo Xtreme. After years as chart-topping salsa artist, Negron released his first English-language album in 2008, titled “Independence Day.” Negron’s singles include “Adicto A tu Piel” and “No Reply,” written by “American Idol” winner David Cook, Kara Dioguardi and John Fields. This year, Negron returns to his Puerto Rican heritage in his music with the release of the salsa single “Quemare Mi Cama.” Groupo Xtreme is made up of Steven Tejada and Danny Mejia, both of Dominican descent. Formed in 2003, their albums include “Xtreme,” “Haciendo Historia” and “Chapter Dos.”

PLANNED PARENTHOOD ENDORSES DUMANIS

Planned Parenthood San Diego gave 2012 mayoral candidate and current District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis a 100 percent rating. The rating was based on Dumanis’s longtime public support for issues of importance to Planned Parenthood, including a woman’s right to choose, stated a press release. “As the founder and the president of Run Women Run, a pro-choice organization that has endorsed Bonnie Dumanis in the San Diego mayor’s race, we are pleased today that Planned Parenthood has given [Dumanis] a 100 percent choice rating,” said Michelle Burton and Barbara Bray, of Run Women Run, in a joint statement. Dumanis responded, saying, “I’ve been pro-choice my entire life, which sets me apart from the other guys. As the only women in the field of candidates running for Mayor, issues related to a woman’s reproductive rights are close to my heart and I have always been very clear where I stand.”

LGBT ORGANIZATION SPONSORS WORKER’S DAY EVENTS

Local nonprofit Canvass for a Cause (CFAC) co-sponsored a day of events on Tuesday, May 1 for International Worker’s Day. Used as a platform to bring awareness to workers’ rights, CFAC joined a general strike and closed for the day, choosing instead to participate in demonstrations throughout the region. “Queer people are some of the most discriminated people in the workplace,” said Alfie Padilla, CFAC field coordinator. “In 29 states, you can be fired based on sexual orientation, and in 34 states you can be fired for being transgender. We advocate for workers because we are workers and all to often we are treated unfairly in the workplace.” Included in the day’s events were a rally at City College followed by a solidarity march to the Civic Center, both downtown; an education cuts rally at Roosevelt Middle School in Balboa Park; a worker rally at the Civic Center; and a festival in Chicano Park. “We are facing attacks on workers’ rights right here in San Diego and these attacks will absolutely affect LGBT families,” said Rachel Scoma, CFAC co-executive director. “In June, San Diegans will vote on Proposition B… which wrongly leaves the fate of city workers’ retirement in the hands of Wall Street. We also have the highly contested development of a Walmart in Sherman Heights, providing low-wage jobs and no health care for workers. This is not a good future for anyone in San Diego, but it can be stopped if the LGBT movement and the Labor movement join together to fight in solidarity for a better future for all our families.”

TERRY ANGEL MASON TO SPEAK ON HIV VACCINE AWARENESS DAY

Terry Angel Mason, the 2012 spokesperson for Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, was announced as guest speaker for the Neighborhood House Association’s (NHA) HIV Vaccine Awareness Day. The event, taking place at the NHA Social Service Center on May 18 from 1:30 – 3 p.m., honors the community members, health professionals and scientists who are working to find a safe and effective HIV vaccine and educates individuals about the importance of preventative HIV vaccine research. Mason, who is a former client of NHA’s HIV/AIDS program, will address the community about his fight with HIV and AIDS and discuss his book, “They Say that I Am Broken,” which discusses homophobia, hate and inequality. Attendees are asked to RSVP to communityaffairs@neighborhoodhouse.org. NHA is located at 841 41st St. in Mt. Hope.

LAS VEGAS OPENS FIRST DRAG QUEEN BAR AND GAME VENUE

Drink & Drag, the first drag queen-staffed bar and game venue celebrates its official grand opening in Las Vegas on Saturday, May 5. Located on Las Vegas’s historic Fremont Street, Drink & Drag is a new concept from the owner of Krave Nightclub, also located in Las Vegas. The 22,000-square-foot venue will feature 12 bowling lanes, billiards, gaming consoles, interactive gaming chairs and other lounge games. The venue staff will include over 24 full-time drag queens, who will also perform. “We are incredibly proud to share our vision of Drink & Drag with the public,” said Tyler Caiden, general manager. “After witnessing the recent mainstream popularity in Middle America of drag-focused TV shows, like ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ and ‘Drag U,’ we decided it was the right time to offer that real-life experience on Fremont Street.” Drink & Drag is located at 450 Fremont St.

LGBT leadership and issues

I was surprised to see and hear the smattering of applause Bonnie Dumanis got at the LGBT Mayoral Debate [see “Friends of Dorothy are always friends of mine,” Vol. 3, Issue 8]. There were no LGBT issues discussed at all, aside from homelessness, and the non-gay candidates didn’t get the question. Everyone was too busy DeMaio-ing to applaud for Bonnie. Shame. Party over LGBT leadership? I’m not for it.

—Anthony Gioffre, via gay-sd.com

Defending gay seniors

“An ethnic group (or ethnicity) is a group of people whose members identify with each other, through a common heritage, often consisting of a common language, a common culture (often including a shared religion) and/or an ideology that stresses common ancestry or endogamy.” A major way of defending our Gay seniors [see “Addressing pride, then and now,” Vol. 3, Issue 8] may be our identification as an ethnicity and eligibility for all the protections thus guaranteed under U.S. law.

—John Keasler, via gay-sd.com

Conversation with DeMaio disappoints

Gotta say, I’m really disappointed with Gay San Diego and I agree with CitzenKurt [who previously posted on gay-sd.com, “Did Carl write these questions himself?” See “Sitting down with Carl DeMaio,” Vol. 3, Issue 8]. It wouldn’t take to much in the way of advanced arithmetic to calculate that the average pension last year was about $40K: that’s when you include all those $100K plus pensions received by retired managers as well as the Peace Officer pensions that are also higher, so the union workers Carl hates so much are receiving much less. Because most of Prop B’s “reforms” were already enacted a couple of years ago, the average pension for employees hired now is about $27,000 with no Social Security.
[By the way]: most City employees have accepted a salary freeze for each of the last seven years. Additionally, they took a six percent pay cut. The exception: DeMaio’s staff. Far more than what he says, that shows me who Carl is, and will work for.

—David Warmoth, via gay-sd.com

The “one librarian” with the huge pension is the former City Librarian, who was the head of a department with several hundred employees and a budget in the millions [see “Sitting down with Carl DeMaio,” Vol. 3, Issue 8]. And Carl has the nerve to complain about “cherry picking.” This interview is the epitome of lazy journalism.

—Bill Johnson, via gay-sd.com
My dead are with me here today
In memory of: Gil Cuadros, Arturo Islas, Reinaldo Arenas, Joseph Beam,
Essex Hemphill and the many unsung heroes who passed from HIV/AIDS.

Today you celebrate
Like many other days of the week
Proclaim a reason
Dine out, Fight AIDS!
You craft and package this reason
Carefully and precisely
With marketing ploys and claims of convenience.
You use the phrases, “Good cause,” “Noble,” “Raise-awareness” and I
tell you that there is no awareness only complacency.
Motivating people to consume product – a conditioned behavior – because it’s been ingrained in our society.
Consume products like you consume bodies (of color).
Consume food and drink
As la tierra consumes those bodies
with stigmas labeled “diseased” “plagued” “AIDS complicated.”
As you wipe
From your mouth
the stains of your nourishment
I reflect how similar movements were made to wipe the stench of death, vomit, piss, shit from bodies whose vitality slowly leaves their body.
Only those who bared witness: friends, lovers, rebellious family kept death at bay…if only for mins, hours, days…until the inevitable became real.
And we lose another life, a gift, a brother, lover, an elder whose knowledge bestowed could and would have saved some of our youth today.
You laugh as you socialize, as memories of tears/cries and sobs lie in the depths in the hearts of mourners who now can only remember…
Can you name a fallen brother?
Name three…? and if you cannot than what is there to this “cause” if your appetite is met with apathy?
Your dead are with you today.
They roam those streets you drunkenly stumble on with bellies full as theirs once were with handful of “meds” we now call “cocktails.”
And as you chase cock and tail tonight before falling on cum-stained sheets, your bodies vulnerable
May the spirits of brothers lost protect and watch over you.

—Gibran Guido, via gay-sd.com on “Dining Out for Life’s sixth year,” Vol. 3, Issue 8

Linda Perine

Earlier this week, a gentleman opined in a Facebook thread that he was sure I was a nice lady, but reading my column made his head hurt. I can certainly understand that, writing this column occasionally makes my head hurt.

Or maybe it is something in the air. Heads have been hurting, spinning, rolling and being scratched this past week. Three separate events gave me the heads up.

First, there was the “Movement to the Middle” by a group of billionaires, sons of billionaires and other extremely well off folks seeking “moderation” in San Diego politics. This group bears no relationship – none I say; none – to Nathan Fletcher and merely joins him in decrying the Inquisition-era social values and general nastiness that pervades the Republican Party. They also do not like the Democratic Party.  Belonging to either, according to their hopefully soon-to-be-revised tag line, makes your American-ness suspect.

By and large, this appears to me to be a Republican family feud. Councilmember Carl DeMaio, County Republican Party Chair Tony Krvaric and other Tea Party types have taken over the Central Committee. Some of the more genteel (established) Republicans are getting nervous and are pulling a Nathan Fletcher-sized hedge your bets. This will be interesting to watch, but to my friends who are actually moderate or progressive, you may want to let this wine breathe a very long time before you take a sip.

Speaking of hurting heads, this group might more aptly have been called the Athena Group, springing as it did full-grown from the forehead of Tom Shepard. Shepard is the political Svengali who got Jerry Sanders elected mayor. He is, if not the most adept political guy in San Diego, certainly in the top one percent. Did I mention he is running the Fletcher for Mayor campaign?

Second, heads were definitely spinning here in the gayborhood on April 26 when, after reviewing a series of votes and actions by Councilmember Todd Gloria, the San Diego & Imperial Counties Labor Council gave him a “D” grade for his (lack of) support on issues important to working families. The same night, Gloria gave a bravura performance at a San Diego Democrats for Equality forum on the pension initiative, Proposition B. Consistently well spoken, informed, authoritative and convincing, Gloria destroyed the arguments in favor of Prop B.

Prop B supporters cannot guarantee the benefits they claim. What is guaranteed is that the proposition will cost the city millions to implement and embroil us in lawsuits for years to come. Gloria is chair of the City Budget Committee, and cleaning up the mess will fall squarely on his shoulders. As demonstrated that night, Gloria is a powerful and persuasive voice against this flawed initiative. Opponents of Prop B are scratching their heads as to why Councilmembers Gloria, Marti Emerald and David Alvarez are not mounting a more vigorous campaign against the proposition, as their persuasive voices could help defeat the measure.

Finally, in the minds of many women throughout the state, Calif. State Senator Juan Vargas’s head was almost certainly rolling. Vargas’s “no” vote kept a bill that would expand the number of providers who can perform a non-surgical type first-trimester abortion from getting out of committee. Senator Christine Kehoe sponsored the bill.

Vargas is running against Denise Ducheny to replace Bob Filner in the 51st Congressional District. An aggressively devout Roman Catholic, Vargas is perceived as often voting his faith regarding choice and LGBT issues.

Nevertheless, he has the support of Labor, and at Labor’s request even the local LGBT Democrats For Equality rated him “acceptable” in their endorsement process. That changed April 26. In response to the Vargas vote against women’s access to health care, the LGBT Democrats rescinded his acceptable rating and endorsed Ducheny.

That is a lot of spinning, rolling and scratching. What does it mean for the LGBT community? Certainly the alleged “move to the middle” claim is a clarion call for the gay gimlet eye. Some gay folk seem quite taken with Fletcher’s claim to moderation, despite a voting record he himself said is to the right of Carl DeMaio.  As my – I am certain he was gay – Episcopal priest once advised me: “Moderation in all things, including moderation.”

We need to remind our representatives (and ourselves) to dance with who brung ‘em. They need our encouragement to spread their wings and lead. Congratulations to Gloria, the Democrats for Equality and Greater San Diego Business Association for taking a strong stand against Proposition B. Aspirins all around and let’s go spread the word.

—Linda Perine is a community activist. In 2011 she chaired the LGBT Redistricting Task Force for the City of San Diego. When she is not trying to make the world safe for the LGBT community, she tries to find her clients good real estate investments. She can be reached at lindaperine@yahoo.com.

Michael Kimmel

Everyone wants to have great sex, but the ingredients seem elusive. I would like to suggest great sex requires elements of both aggression and tenderness. Some say that men have too much aggression and women too much tenderness, but that is a stereotype and not true for many individuals.

Can you express your healthy aggression, called your libido? Can you allow yourself to enjoy it? Unhealthy aggression, on the other hand, usually shows up as passive-aggressive punishment or revenge. That is not what we are talking about here.

We all have a healthy need to conquer, win and be the best. The only question is how in touch with these we are. When there is too much aggression, you can easily feel that sex is one meaningless conquest after the other. There is little emotional connection and basically you are just using someone else to get off.

Too much tenderness, on the other hand, leads to a mushy, messy enmeshment where it is hard to tell where you end and your other begins. It is great for intimate friendships and parental relationships that demand a lot of love and empathy, but it is not as helpful for great sex.

How do you find the right balance of aggression and tenderness? Awareness and curiosity help a lot, but there is no single way to do this. Each person or couple has to find their own way on this path.

It is not so hard, however, to tell if your balance is off. If your sex life feels empty and emotionless, you need some tenderness. If your sex feels energy-less and boring, you might benefit from some healthy aggression.

What might that look like? Tenderness is warmth, compassion and caring about the other person. It manifests in sexual behaviors like maintaining eye contact, breathing together, gentle touching and sweet kisses. Checking in with how your sex partner is feeling is another way of expressing tenderness:  “Do you like that” and “Does this feel good” are questions you can ask your sex partner to let them know it is not all about you.

Healthy aggression may be a new idea for you. Aggression has gotten a bad reputation, but healthy aggression is conscious aggression. It is not about acting out like a spoiled child or a self-obsessed narcissist.

Healthy aggression is a way of expressing your sexual energy. At its best, it is playful and passionate. There is a mutual consent component; both sex partners need to be OK with how aggression is expressed. Both sex partners need to be able to say, “No, that’s too much” or “I really don’t like that” and aggressive behavior can be modified or stopped, depending upon what partners agree.

Healthy aggression is not like a pornography video, but it can be. Your way of expressing healthy aggression may be different than your best friend’s. You may like to take your sex partner’s clothes off roughly and push them over the sofa for passionate sex. One couple I worked with has a specific set of clothes they rip off each other. They are very clear on how they like to use healthy aggression in their sex.

Another couple I worked with liked to alternate aggression. Sometimes one partner would initiate sex and calls the shots; at other times, the roles were completely reversed. On occasion, they might have reversed the roles in the middle of having sex: one was the naughty schoolboy being punished by his teacher, but the schoolboy got bored with this, so he reversed the situation, took control and became aggressive with his teacher.

A lesbian couple I worked with had a lot of fun with healthy aggression. One day, one took on the role of a sexy plumber and when she finished unclogging the drain, she happily ravaged her willing – but surprised – partner.

In relationships, a bit of healthy aggression can keep your sex life alive. Familiarity is great for feeling safe, secure and loved, but it is not so hot for excitement and eroticism. In my experience as an LGBT couples counselor, too much familiarity is not conducive to great sex. If you and your lover are joined at the hip, your sex life may be suffering.

Great sex requires some unpredictability. This is where healthy aggression can come in.

If your sex life has plenty of tenderness but not enough juice, talk with your partner about adding some healthy aggression. If your sex life has plenty of action but is not very fulfilling, try a little tenderness, as the song suggests. Find the right balance and get ready for some great sex.

—Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.

Wainwright supports his latest release at Humphreys By the Bay on May 13. (Courtesy Decca Records)

By Chris Azzopardi | Q Syndicate

There are bad romances, and there is the kind Rufus Wainwright had during the making of his latest album, “Out of the Game.” The troubadour got smitten with super-producer Mark Ronson, who added a pop bend to Wainwright’s classical leanings. Love at first sight? Just about.

“One day we finally hung out at this party – at the U.N. of all places – and we were just completely enamored of each other,” Wainwright said. “Needless to say, we went into the studio and struck up not only a great musical relationship but a great friendship, and, at least from my end, a huge crush.”

And the singer does not just give his love away: he recently slammed Lady Gaga for being “predictable and boring,” setting off a media and gay mafia frenzy. In our interview, Wainwright talked about those comments, the eyes that comforted him during his mother’s death and the evolution of his gayness.

Chris Azzopardi: How did this ‘love affair’ between you and Mark Ronson begin?

Rufus Wainwright: I had heard of the legend of Mark Ronson for many years. In fact, we had done shows together in the past, but because he’s a DJ he was always on much later than I was, so we never really crossed paths. Then, word got out that I wanted to work with him and word got out that he wanted to work with me, and we were both very excited.

CA: Is there a sex tape?

RW: There’s not a sex tape. There’s an audio sex tape that we will make at some point and get to you. [Laughs]

CA: Your classical and theatrical sensibilities are still present on the album, but what was it like to meet Mark, because of his pop leanings, in the middle?

RW: As much as he’s involved and immersed and knowledgeable of the pop world, for really over most of the 20th century, I am, by the same token, involved in opera and classical music. We could both appreciate each other’s dedication to our respective musical genres, and that kind of ignited this exchange between us. I didn’t feel like I had to relate to what he was telling me and he didn’t feel the same with me, either; we just had to enjoy what we had to give, and there was no pressure in that respect.

CA: Does songwriting come easier to you now than it did at the beginning of your career?

RW: It doesn’t seem to have abated much over the years. I don’t know if that’s a personal decision or kind of a natural function. I mean, I do seem to hurl myself into these situations where I have to write songs or I have to learn new material or come up with something, so physically, it’s a job that has to get done. But it always gets done somehow. I don’t want to get too descriptive of it, because then it might disappear. [Laughs]

CA: During “Sometimes You Need,” you refer to the effect of movie stars on our lives, on your life. Who did you have in mind?

RW: I’m being very specific, actually. There’s a friend of mine, Quinn Tivey, and he’s Elizabeth Taylor’s grandson. I had just met him, and he’s a lovely guy and he has his grandmother’s eyes: those amazing violet, Black Irish eyes, or at least they look Black Irish to me. At the time, my mother was very ill [Kate McGarrigle died in early 2010], and I went to L.A. to see him, and there was just something about staring into those Taylor eyes that I found incredibly soothing and distracting in the face of this horrific experience.

CA: What’s the last movie that changed your life?

RW: I was a big fan of “Melancholia.” I loved that movie. I really got it. You know, I didn’t necessarily get Lars von Trier’s last movie: the one with the bloody penis in it [2009’s “Antichrist”].

CA: Tell me about the track “Montauk.”

RW: It’s a postcard, shall we say, to my daughter Viva, welcoming her to her future home and hoping that she enjoys it. Superman has Krypton and Rufus has Montauk: that’s where I go to reboot.

CA: And it also works as a commentary on gay parenting.

RW: Yes. Arguably, that could be the first big major song about having two dads on a mainstream level.

CA: You’re getting married to longtime partner Jörn Weisbrodt in August. What finally sold you on the idea of marriage?

RW: I’m not on the fence about it, of course; it’s happening, but I do think we’re still in the process of defining what gay marriage is, and it’ll take some time. But you can really only define it by doing it, you know? [Laughs] So I don’t think anything is set in stone about what it means or how it’s going to go down, but I do think we need to move forward and figure that out.

CA: For you, what’s the most important part of the ceremony?

RW: I don’t know. I am in the process of picking who I want to marry me, meaning, do we want the priest, do we want the sheriff or do we want the Pope? [Laughs] I don’t think we’re going to get the Pope. So that’s where I am right now, figuring out who’s actually going to do the ceremony, and that’s bringing up some questions for me. I’m kind of shying away from the religious end of it at the moment.

CA: Your idea of gay back in the day was this old-school personification, kind of like Oscar Wilde. How has your idea of gayness evolved from then till now?

RW: I still love that Oscar Wilde persona and I haven’t put that to bed yet in certain ways, but I also think that my belief in maturity is more of a Hindu theory, where over the years you become all of these different people and by the end, you’re sort of this cast of characters. I learned a lot from those bohemian days and respect it tremendously, but nonetheless, I want to survive and go onto the next level and experience other things. It’s more of just adding things to the recipe.

CA: You used to have a thing for cigarettes and chocolate milk. What are your current cravings?

RW: My boyfriend just got a job in Toronto and I have this thing now for maple syrup. I just tip it into my mouth and guzzle it straight from the bottle.

CA: Since this album is being called “your most pop album,” what contemporary pop do you listen to? We know it’s not Gaga.

RW: [Laughs] I really appreciate what Arcade Fire has been able to accomplish, especially with all of their success last year. It was really fantastic to watch. Also, Adele is tearing everything up and really paving the way for both me and other artists who want to be a little different from the norm. I think it’s a good time.

CA: Would you take back your comments on Gaga?

RW: I don’t dislike her. There’s just not a single song [that I like] there. I can’t hum one of her tunes. And her whole, ‘You’re like me’ thing? How can you say that with a piece of cheese on your head? I certainly had an appreciation for Madonna, but Madonna wasn’t like that. She wasn’t all, ‘You’re like me.’ She was, ‘You’ll never be like me.’

CA: Won’t it make it awkward should you and Gaga attend the same gay benefit?

RW: Perhaps if she sings one of my songs, that would rectify it. [Laughs]

Xanadu, we love you: The final production in J*COMPANY Youth Theater’s La Jolla Playhouse tribute season is the awesome production of “Xanadu – The Musical.” Yes, it’s the classical roller skating adventure from Mt. Olympus and Venice Beach where Kira descends from the heavens to inspire the struggling artist, Sonny. It’s a dumb story, but it’s all about the first roller disco ever, and you’ve got to love that. The songs are amazing, too. Starting today, the show runs through May 13 at the David and Dorothea Garfield Theater at the Lawrence Family Jewish Community Center, 4126 Executive Drive, La Jolla. For more information and tickets visit sdcjc.org or call 858-362-1348.

Saturday, May 5

Where’s the Money expo: Sponsored by the Valley Economic Development Center, Accion San Diego and the CDC Small Business Finance, the third annual “Where’s the Money?: Access to Capital Business Expo event is staged to help struggling business owners in the San Diego area. The expo provides business owners who are looking for money to expand the opportunity to meet similar people and educate themselves on unconditional financing, among others. Keynote speaker for the luncheon is Ruben Garcia, district director of the U.S. Small Business Administration. Included in the expo is a “loan pavilion” where business owners and visit a loan consultant. Registration is $10 and includes a networking breakfast, the expo, the luncheon and workshops. The expo runs from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the Doubletree Hotel in Mission Valley, 7450 Hazard Center Dr. For more information visit www.vedc.org or call 619-795-7250.

Queen Bee’s beauty: Meet at Queen Bee’s in North Park for the Beauty of Empowered Women’s 2012 event, “Understand the Beauty of Being a Woman.” The festival is to educate, inspire and empower women through literacy, and features workshops, speakers, networking and community resources to help learn about education and wellness. Yes, men, you are welcome and encouraged to attend. Tickets are $5 advance, $10 at the door. Queen Bee’s is located at 3925 Ohio St. The event runs from 2 to 6 p.m. For more information and tickets call 619-200-2708 or 619-962-2992.

WildFire party: San Diego WildFire, a party for queer women and allies, is celebrating Cinco de Mayo with a dance and get-together at the Brass Rail from 6 to 10 p.m. Cover for the event is $10. The Brass Rail is located at 3796 Fifth Ave. For more information visit www.infernodances.com.

Imperial Court’s Cinco de Mayo: Celebrate the holiday with the 14th annual Selena Diamond, Carlos Silva and Friends show and contest. The event features the annual Mr., Ms. and Miss Cinco de Mayo contest and a traditional Mexican buffet, silent auction and, of course, entertainment. All proceeds go toward the Imperial Court de San Diego. Doors for the event are at 5:30, with dinner at 6 p.m. There is a $10 suggested donation at the door. The show starts at 6:30 p.m. at Numbers Nightclub, 3811 Park Blvd. For more information call 619-540-8727.

SDGMC Sizzle and Spice: The San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus hosts their premier fundraiser, Sizzle and Spice, tonight at the San Diego History Center in Balboa Park. The event is to support the growth of the organization, and is inspired by their latest production, “Olé! Olé! Olé!” Come to support the chorus, and indulge in food catered by Patricio Esquivel, a full bar and both a silent and live auction. Auction items include a Madonna Vegas trip package, a Maui moped scooter, tickets to local productions and signed swag from celebs. Honorary chair of the event is Mayor Jerry Sanders, with co-chairs Bob Filner, Chrisine Kehoe, Marty Block, Bonnie Dumanis, Ron Roberts, Marti Emerald, Todd Gloria, Tony Young and Sheri Lightner. Board president of the chorus, Cheri Curtis, said, “We’re very excited about taking the chorus to a new level with this fundraising and entertainment event. It will definitely be a first-rate, must-attend affair every year.” Tickets are $75 or $125 (VIP). The evening starts at 7 p.m. and the History Center is located at 1649 El Prado. For tickets or more information visit sdgmc.org or call 877-296-7664.

Sunday, May 6

Sharon DuBois live: Kicking off the Pop Series at Liberty Theater at Paradise Village, singer-songwriter Sharon Dubois takes the stage tonight at 7 p.m. DuBois is a local artist and will be performing from her second solo album, “Here I Am.” With 10 older siblings, DuBois has always been around music and did her first solo performance when she was 12 years old. She studied music and voice locally before moving on to the Eastman School of Music in Rochester, New York. With over 500 jazz standards in her songbook, DeBois has collaborated with some of the genre’s greats, including David Altman and Tony Cavagnaro. Liberty Theater at Paradise Village is located at 2700 E. Fourth St. in National City. Tickets are $15 general admission, with the box office open at 6 p.m. Doors are at 6:30 p.m. For more information visit www.liveatparadise.com or 619-475-5040.

Monday, May 7

Jewish Arts Festival: The San Diego REPertory Theater hosts the 19th annual Lipinsky Family San Diego Jewish Arts Festival, which starts today and runs through June 7. San Diego REP associate artistic director, Todd Salovey, organizes and directs the event, celebrating artistic expressions of Jewish history, traditions and ideas. Performances for the festival are staged at various venues throughout San Diego County, including the REP, the Lawrence Family Jewish Community Center, the Carlsbad and Encinitas Public libraries and the North Coast Repertory Theater, among others. Highlights include two free concerts in North County, Avi Hoffman’s “Still Jewish After All These Years,” and the June 4 Klezmer Summit featuring Common Chords with Yale Strom and U.N. Goodwill Ambassador Salman Ahmad. The festival kicks off tonight with the comedy staged reading “Natasha and the Coat” at 7 p.m. at the David & Dorothea Garfield Theater at the Lawrence Family Community Center in La Jolla. For complete festival information, including a detailed performance schedule and ticket information, visit www.sdrep.org/extpage3.aspx or call 858-362-1362.

Thursday, May 10

LGBT Law Association dinner: The Tom Homann LGBT Law Association annual dinner is set for tonight. Opening reception is at 5:30 p.m. with the dinner starting at 7 p.m.  Keynote speaker will be U.S. District Court Judge Virginia Phillips, who ruled the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy unconstitutional. The dinner will be at the Omni Hotel, 675 L St. Tickets range from $80 to $115. For more information and to purchase tickets visit www.thla.org.

Ian Harvie headlines: Laugh Out Proud Comedy show welcomes transgender comedian Ian Harvie for their May show. Other performers include founders Sarah Burford and Sean Wherley, as well as Allison Gill and Jen McGlone. The show begins at 8 p.m. at Martinis Above Fourth. Harvie has appeared on ABC’s “Byron Allen’s Comics Unleashed” and Logo’s “OutLaught on Wisecrack” and “One Night Stand Up.” He has also done the cruise circuit, including stints on Atlantis Vacations, RSVP Vacations and Olivia Vacations. Harvie has been featured in Margaret Cho’s touring comedy show, “Margaret Cho’s Sensuous Woman.” Tickets are $5 for the 21 and older event, and can be purchased at martinisabovefourth.com. Seating for the show starts at 6:30 and Martinis is located at 3940 Fourth Ave.

Friday, May 11

Malashock’s Hidden Agendas: Opening tonight and running through May 13, Malashock Dance company’s Hidden Agendas is an evening of personal, intimate and revealing dance that explores emotional manipulation, physical longing and secret rendezvous. The show will feature the premier or In The Dark, by Malashock Artistic Director John Malashock. The show will also feature a “brazenly audacious” work about male self-indulgence and gratification, called Bump in the Road.” Also presented is the Mizerany duet, Let Me Into Your Skin, which was first commissioned by Diversionary Theater. Advance tickets are $20; day-of tickets are $25, with slightly higher prices for their special Mother’s Day production on May 13. The show is presented at the Malashock Dance Studio, Dance Place, located at 2650 Truxton Rd. Friday and Saturday shows are at 8 p.m. and the Sunday show is at 7 p.m. For more information and tickets visit www.malashockdance.org or call 619-260-1622.

Mama’s Day 2012: Tonight is the 21st annual Mama’s Day fundraising event for Mama’s Kitchen, hosted at the Hyatt Regency La Jolla. Billed as San Diego’s most popular culinary and social event, the evening includes food from over 55 local top chefs and is hosted by San ‘The Cooking Guy’ Zien. A silent auction will be included as well. The evening starts at 5:30 with a VIP reception, including a cocktail and food presentation from Zien and Ian Ward, mixologist at the Snake Oil Cocktail Co. The main event starts at 6:30 p.m. and includes a photo gallery of clients and donors with statements of what Mama’s Kitchen means for them. Tickets are $125 or $250 (VIP). They Hyatt Regency is located at 3777 La Jolla Village Dr. For more information and tickets visit www.mamaskitchen.org or call 619-233-6262.

Saturday, May 12

Solar Luncheon: Join the first countywide San Diego Solar Program seminar and luncheon at the Mingei International Museum today, from 11 a.m. to noon. The informational presentation will cover solar technology, rebates and incentives, case studies and information on the County’s solar program. Property owners can learn how to get paid to go solar, will include lunch, and is being presented in part by Sullivan Solar Power. RSVP is appreciated. The Mingei Museum is located 1439 El Prado. For more information, visit www.sandiegosolarprogram.org or call 800-785-5483.

A Scandalous Affair: The San Diego Woman’s Club is hosting a musical fundraiser inspired by the best-seller “Sweethearts,” including sexual betrayals, blackmail and death threats. The production is laced with humor and shocking Hollywood secrets, telling the story between Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy. Music by Victor Herbert, Sigmund Romberg, Cole Porter and Verdi highlight the forbidden love affair, kept secret for decades. “Sweethearts” author Sharon Rich will give a discussion and sign her book after the performance. The Woman’s Club is a nonprofit and part of the General Federation of Women’s Clubs International. The performance is located at 2557 Third Ave. Tickets are $45 ($40 for students). For more information and reservations visit www.sandiegowomansclub.org or call 619.464.3923.

Fun, fantastic Diversionary: “You Gotta Get a Gimmick: A Musical Theatre Escapade” comes to Diversionary Theater for a one-night-only benefit. The show, conceived and directed by local great James Vasquez, features your favorite Diversionary stars with a few surprise appearances performing Broadway hits (with a twist!). So far, Tony Houck, Heather Paton, Tom Zohar, Courtney Corey, Eileen Bowman and Phil Johnson are scheduled to appear and the host? Why it’s Carrie Preston of “True Blood” and “Good Wife” fame. Art by Julie Warren will be in the lobby and courtyard of the theater, which is located at 4545 Park Blvd. Advance and VIP tickets are sold out, but the company added $75 Standing Room tickets and $50 post-show party access at Fritz’s Lounge, starting at 9 p.m. The show at Diversionary starts at 7 p.m. For more information and tickets visit www.diversionary.org or call 619-220-0097.

Oh Michael Sanchez: Yes, we are crazy about Michael Sanchez so it’s only natural that we promote the hell out of him performing at Martinis Above Fourth. Therefore, Sanchez will be there tonight from 7 to 11 p.m. (he’s there every Saturday night). Martinis is located at 3940 Fourth Ave. For more information visit www.martinisabovefourth.com or call 619-400-4500.

Sunday, May 13

Mr. Ms. and Miss Gay Black SD: At an evening of competition, elegance, talent and entertainment, the Imperial Court de San Diego will be crowning the 2012 Mr., Ms. and Miss Gay Black San Diego. A benefit for the Benjamin F. Dillingham III Community Grant, the contest includes casualwear, eveningwear and talent categories. In attendance will Norma, Miss Gay Black 1976, Lexus of 1996, Gigi of 1999, Cassandra of 2000, Jasmine of 2001 and Greta of 2004. The evening starts at 7 p.m. at Numbers Nightclub, located at 3811 Park Blvd. There is a $7 suggested donation. For more information call 619-288-1183 or 619-581-6493.

Allan Acevedo

A few weekends ago, I did something I thought I would never do. I attended a military event as the date of an active duty service member. Recently returned from its nascent tour of duty, the command of the ship hosted a homecoming dinner and dance.

It was like a scene out of high school, only this time you could drink in front of the chaperones. Service members dressed up with their dates, entered raffles and danced. What for many attendees was simply a mundane opportunity to go out with their significant others became an opportunity to subtly assert the newly found equality gay, lesbian and bisexual service members have been afforded in the military.

My boyfriend David held some trepidation about bringing me as his date and, by that fact, coming out to his entire command. David had only casually come out to some close friends and coworkers, and was concerned about backlash or negative attention. Despite these concerns, he wanted me to know about his work life.

We arrived to the event holding hands and he quickly began introducing me around – I would note with special attention in emphasizing the word “boyfriend.” After a couple wider-than-necessary smiles and greetings, it was like attending any other work function.

To both of our surprise, we did not have a single problem the entire evening. Many people were quick to point out they were happy to see David with someone who made him happy. Not one pejorative comment was made around us. There were even two other same-sex couples in attendance that night, to whom we were introduced.

David felt comfortable and safe enough to hold my hand, kiss me and dance on an empty dance floor with me in front of his entire command. It really did seem like much of the hysterics about the repeal of the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was unfounded.

I need to admit, though, that I had some concerns about attending this event, and I think it is because, like many LGBT people, we have few experiences interacting with service members and spent years fighting for the rights of those brave enough to enter the armed services regardless of their sexual orientations.

We have heard from military officers and elected officials of the negative impact repeal would have had on unit cohesion and on the military’s ability to function. We spent so much time being told that active duty service members did not want gay, lesbian and bisexual service members to serve with them, we began to believe it.

Service members needed to give gay, lesbian and bisexual coworkers the opportunity to serve openly and honestly and now it is our turn to give these soldiers the benefit of the doubt and trust that they are capable of being just as open and accepting to people of different sexual orientations as anyone else.

Still the picture is not as rosy as some like to paint it. Despite our ability to be ourselves among his peers, I asked David what would have happened if someone would have called him a name or openly harassed him. David said he would need to take it through the chain of command, and that any harassment by a coworker would not fall under any Equal Employment Opportunity Commission protection.

All the “don’t ask, don’t tell” repeal allows is for service members to serve regardless of sexual orientation. The repeal alone does not go far enough to create protection from harassment or discrimination, and reporting it through the proper chain of command leaves service members with few viable avenues to pursue. Former Servicemembers Legal Defense Network spokesperson Steve Ralls said, “In reality when a service member does report it through the chain of command, it is rarely taken seriously.”

David can be said to be lucky to serve in a command that is accepting and willing to decisively respond to acts of harassment or discrimination. This, however, is not the case for all active duty service members. The battle for equality in this workplace is far from over. While they may be able to serve openly in the military, we must remember work-place discrimination is still a reality for many and we must continue with the same efficacy and determination to end this as we did in our effort to repeal “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

—Allan Acevedo is co-founder and president emeritus of Stonewall Young Democrats of San Diego. He has worked on multiple political campaigns and served on numerous boards including the San Diego Democratic Club, California Young Democrats, Gay-Straight Alliant Network and Equality California PAC.

Dining with | Frank Sabatini Jr.

The meatloaf at Urban Eats is juicy and flavorful. (Photo by Frank Sabatini Jr.)

Chef Christopher B. Sayre did the unthinkable a few weeks before launching Urban Eats in Hillcrest. Within two brief days, he opened and closed a different restaurant at the same address after investing considerable time and money into its Asian-Mexican concept. A public relations campaign had also been built around what was briefly known as Taco Banh, which Sayre abolished with the same certitude of a judge eliminating a chef on Food Network’s “Chopped” reality show.

“My gut told me that I had painted myself into a corner of just doing tacos,” Sayre said. “Plus, we had mixed feedback and there was a complete detachment about what I was doing compared to my past experience.”

A few weeks later, Urban Eats emerged with a heartening, less-fickle menu that applies smart twists on salads, hot sandwiches and entrees stamped with solid American-Euro influences. In keeping it all acceptably modern, as he demonstrated while executive chef at Paradise Grille in Del Mar, the produce is regionally sourced and the meats are largely hormone-free.

Urban’s interior is both sleek and quaint, leading you into a calmly lighted environment of metal and natural pine wood, bold colors and enlarged photographs from the San Diego Historical Society capturing Hillcrest in the 1940s. The dining experience is further enhanced by complimentary amenities such as fresh cucumber slices in your water glass, oven-hot crostini with honey butter served before meals and homemade chocolate chip cookies that greet you at the finishing line. Yes, it’s these little giveaways that really do matter for procuring repeat business.

Among the appetizers, Sayre folds micro cilantro and devilish sriracha sauce into mashed avocado, resulting in a bright and spicy guacamole accompanied by freshly fried tomato-infused tortilla chips. Actually, the entire starter menu lends itself to crispy pickings, such as a trio of mini grilled cheese sandwiches on Texas toast, each enveloping different curds. There are also salmon poki chips served with papaya-tomatillo salsa, as well as a couple versions of bruschetta. The “blue” features caramelized onions, wild mushrooms and bubbly blue cheese draped over toasted bread rounds. The luscious combination of flavors begged for a glass of red wine, but we visited before Urban’s alcohol license was about to come through.

Fuji apples, dried cherries and candied walnuts took the lead in a shareable salad of mixed greens that tasted like a healthy dessert kissed by Mother Nature. The sweet components, including balsamic vinaigrette, were tempered precisely by creamy blue cheese crumbles. Though if you prefer savory to sweet, the “b.l.a.t.” ties together bacon, lettuce, avocado and tomatoes while the “Hillcrest chop chop” tosses romaine with artichokes, bell peppers and mozzarella.

Sayre’s “Uptown angus meatloaf” has been a hot seller since he veered into Urban Eats in March. Served in two thick slabs, it is the wild mushroom au jus and slathering of tomato compote on each piece that spares it from tasting mundane. The plate comes with braised spinach and homey “smashed” potatoes.

A nourishing, dense filet of Steelhead salmon from Washington comprised our other entrée. Bravo to Sayre’s use of romesco sauce, which plays up the pureed almonds and incorporates a touch of cream. In Spain, the sauce commonly integrates tomatoes or red peppers as well. Here, the red components were understated as to not attack the fish with loud flavors, but rather compliment it with a smooth, nutty essence.

Urban’s menu is elegantly concise, resulting in dishes that are pure and focused right down to the sandwich offerings. Among them is a classic Reuben stacked with corned beef that is sliced to medium thickness, though no less tender than if it were shaved. Other tempting standouts include a roast beef and blue cheese Panini and pulled pork with leeks on an onion roll. Sayre goes the extra mile by cooking the pork overnight sous vide style, a French technique where food is placed in vacuum-sealed bags and simmered in water at low temperature.

Urban’s lunch card carries a couple of vestiges from Taco Banh in the form of tacos filled with lemon grass pork or Kobe beef with sambal fresco. For Sayre, they’re reminders of a culinary experiment he’s comfortable keeping as a footnote to his first-time restaurant venture.

Foodie Flashes | By Frank Sabatini Jr.

Hurray for Brooklyn Girl! After more than a year in the works, the Mission Hills restaurant finally opened its doors Friday, April 27 and saw the likes of nearly 700 guests come through within the first three days of business. Owners Michael McGeath and his wife Victoria bring to the table a roster of locally sourced dishes executed by chefs Tyler Thrasher (formerly of Oceanaire) and Colin Murray (formerly of Cowboy Star). Meat lovers are especially in for a treat with a menu section devoted to whole ducks, chickens and lamb saddles roasted in a wood-fired oven. The 4,800-square-foot restaurant was whimsically named after Victoria, who was born and raised in Brooklyn, although Michael also cites the New York City borough as “currently a culinary Mecca.” It looks like Mission Hills might be slowly stepping up to the same plate. 4033 Goldfinch St., 619-296-4600.

Despite the closing of Porkyland in Hillcrest a couple months ago, the company hasn’t ruled out returning to another nearby location by the end of the year. According to catering manager Karely Diaz, the University Avenue shop was shut down because of weak foot traffic, which she attributed to the eatery’s “camouflaged, corner placement” within the small strip plaza it operated. “We’ve started looking around at other Uptown properties,” she said. No word yet on who’s moving into the empty space, but Diaz assures that Porkyland’s original La Jolla location at 1030 Torrey Pines Rd. is alive and well.

Starting May 28, Anthology in Little Italy begins weekday lunch service to the tune of Black Angus burgers, assorted flat breads, homemade fettuccine, duck ravioli with orange-thyme sauce and more. The three-level supper club, which celebrates its fifth anniversary in early June, has become a destination for live musical performances by established and emerging artists. During lunch, however, a stereo system will provide the melodies. 1337 India St., 619-595-0300.

Ignite your morning with a healthy meal at Lotus Café and Juice Bar, which just introduced breakfast to its operation. Options include gluten-free pancakes, vegan tofu scrambles and omelets made with free-range eggs. Or for a quick intake on all essential amino acids, the acai bowl made with sustainable Sambazon berries is the way to go. 3955 Fifth Ave., 619-795-2446.

Get your free sliders and recipe tips for making them at the ongoing Sweet Onion & BBQ Festival presented by butchers at Iowa Meat Farms and Siesel’s Meats. The slider demos will be held from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., May 12 at both meat markets. In the same time slot a week later (May 19), the shops will provide free samples and lessons on making Hawaiian tri tip and Kailua pig. Locations: 6041 Mission Gorge Road for Iowa Meat Farms and 4131 Ashton St. for Siesel’s.

The San Diego Women’s Chorus celebrates their 25th anniversary with their concert “Heart & Harmony” on Friday, May 5 and Saturday May 6. (Courtesy SD Women’s Chorus)

By Kim Rescate and Ana Pines | GSD Reporters

The San Diego Women’s Chorus celebrates their 25th season with their “Heart & Harmony” concert Friday, May 5 and Saturday, May 6. Guest singer Randi Driscoll will make an appearance during the May 5 performance. Driscoll’s single “What Matters” was inspired by the 1998 murder of Matthew Shepard and has raised more than $45,000 for the Matthew Shepard Foundation.

As well as “What Matters,” “Heart & Harmony” song selections include the Indigo Girls’s homage to the feminist author in “Virginia Woolf;” the gospel spiritual, “Take Me to the Water;” and Lady Gaga’s anthem to authenticity, “Born This Way.” Other pieces by feminist artists Cris Williamson, Margie Adam, Ferron and Holly Near will be highlighted as well.

“We always ask members to suggest songs,” said Carin Scheinin, president of the Women’s Chorus board, who also sings first alto in the group. “Our artistic director Chris Allen does a lot in finding music [for the chorus]. We chose songs that the chorus [has] sung in the past, songs that are still relevant and challenging [and] songs that spoke to the experiences of women,” Scheinin said.

Scheinin said the group’s guest artist, Driscoll, “is an amazing singer-songwriter,” who is donating her time to the group to sing. “It’s a beautiful piece; it’s a song about hope and love,” Scheinin said.

Community activist Cynthia Lawrence-Wallace established the chorus in 1987, which originally consisted of 14 members who rehearsed in Lawrence-Wallace’s living room. The group has grown since then, with over 70 current members. The group’s mission is to “encourage women’s creativity, celebrate diversity and inspire social action.”

“It has a feminist perspective, it’s queer friendly, it’s lesbian friendly [and] it’s open to all women who identif[y] as women. It’s really empowering,” said Naomi Suskind, who sings first alto and has been a member since January. Cohesion is an important facet to the chorus, Suskind said, adding, “Being together is what creates the music.”

Second alto Lauren Boismeir agreed with Suskind’s sentiment, saying chemistry is built during rehearsals and when one person is missing, the group feels the loss. “We develop bonds,” Boismeir said.

Sherri Ginand, a second soprano, has been in the chorus since 1991. “What I love about [the San Diego Women’s Chorus] is we’re family. We’re sisters. At the end of each rehearsal, we stand in a circle and share our concerns,” she said.

“There are women of all abilities in this chorus,” Boismeir said. “Some women do read music. [For] other women, this is their first experience, so they just know how to listen and just go by memory.” The group rehearses every Sunday at the Mission Hills United Church of Christ, located at 4070 Jackdaw St., the same location as the “Heart & Harmony” performances.

While the chorus’s musical selection has changed over the years, Ginand said, “The message has never changed. Back in the day, it was more folksy type of music, more of the kind of stuff that you would sing in marches,” she said. “Now we’re doing ethnic music [and] pop music. We’ve just become better as musicians.”

Ginand also said the audience has changed, too, with a mix of men and women, as well as families. She said the group might need to move their performances to other venues to accommodate their growth. “We’re getting more response. We’re growing out of our church venue. Pretty soon we’ll be in bigger venues,” she said.

After the “Heart & Harmony” concert, the group will begin rehearsing for the summer Pride season on May 20. The Pride season includes performances at regional Pride festivals, as well as participation in the Gay and Lesbian Association of Choruses International Festival, on July 7 – 11 in Denver.

For those that have not seen the group perform, Ginand said, “there’s nothing like live music. You can feel the vibrations on your chest [from] the instruments and the voices. It’s the heart.” During intermission, some members of the group will mingle with the audience, Ginand said, which she calls a warm and engaging “family reunion.”

General admission tickets for “Heart & Harmony” are $15 and tickets for children under 12 are free. The May 5 concert is at 7 p.m. and the May 6 concert is at 3 p.m. For more information or to purchase tickets, visit sdwc.org or call 619-291-3366.